All Of You Is Everything I Need
by The Last Ronin
Summary: Emma knows that Killian struggles everyday to keep his darker half in check, to keep Captain Hook safely burried in the past, to be a good man worthy of her. So when angry words unleash Hook's wrath, Emma is forced to confront a side of her pirate that she's always known existed but has never truly seen, and the consequences could tear the couple apart.


So this is an idea that has been rattling around the back of my mind for a while now – mostly because Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is one of my favorite stories ever and I see a lot of parallels between that character and the character of Killian Jones/Captain Hook. As such, the theme of this story is considerably darker than my other ones.

I want to warn you up front that the reason this fic is rated M is because it deals with a rape scenario. I want to add that I wrote this not because I'm an advocate of such things – beyond it's use for fantasy purposes – but because I felt it a fitting vehicle with which to address an issue the couple might find themselves faced with in the future.

Thus, if you find any type of writing that deals with rape offensive, _do not read ahead_.

You have been warned.

_**~The Last Ronin~**_

I groan as wakefullness tugs at my mind but I resist it – I'm not ready to get up just yet. My boyfriend's arms tighten around me, pulling me closer – my bare back flush with his equally bare chest – his obvious arousal pressing against me and I can't stop the smile that plays over my lips. Without any conscious thought on my part I life my leg slightly, allowing him to slide back into me where I want him…where I need him…and I'm rewarded with his own groan.

"Mmm…Killian," I murmur and snuggle back into him even further, enjoying the feeling of him around me, in me, engulfing me completely.

"I'm here love," his breath tickles my ear as his hips rock slowly against mine.

"Good…" I breathe, smiling again – or maybe I just never stopped?

Quiet embraces us save the soft swish of the sheets against our sweaty skin and the gentle lapping of the waves against the hull of the Jolly Roger. I never would have thought I would be able to sleep with the constant motion of the ship – not that we do much sleeping here – but it's surprisingly soothing. Even when he's not here, for the scant few moments he leaves me by myself, I never feel alone when I'm on his ship – it's as if he's always with me.

"Emma," he starts and I groan because I know what he wants to talk about…what we need to talk about.

"I'm still here," I remind him, trying to delay the inevitable for a few minutes more and, tangling one of his hands in mine I lift it to my lips to try and further reassure him. I know he's nervous about what happened last night but I just…I'm scared too. I'm scared that I won't be able to make him understand how I feel. Just a few more minutes for me to gather my thoughts; that's all I need.

My mind slips back to the previous night and I can't help but cringe a little…not because of what happened, but because of what I did. What I said was…it was a complete lie and went too far, even if I had been angry at him at the time. I can't even remember what had me so mad that I would have said something like that to him but the moment the words left my mouth I knew I'd hurt him. In an instant I'd gone from being so angry I was seeing red to utterly terrified that I would never be able to apologize enough to make up for my words.

For his part though he did what he always does when someone hurts him – made the pain a part of him; drowned himself in it until it couldn't hurt him anymore. For all the time we've been together, for everything we've been through, I'd never actually seen the side of him that was once one of the most feared pirates to ever terrorize the seas. I'd caught glimpses for sure, but brief and fleeting. Never had I been faced with the entire man himself in all his terribleness.

Until last night.

The change had been visible – reminiscent of my son's favorite comic book character. One minute he had been Killian Jones – the man who would risk everything for me, the man I already knew I was head over heels in love with – and the next he had been Captain Hook. Sure he no longer has the steel weapon in place of a hand – I'd managed to re-attach his hand months ago – but he quickly prooved that it was more than his namesake that made him the villain of legend. While Killian Jones was ever the gentleman with me – even when he wasn't – Captain Hook put on no such airs. Captain Hook took what he wanted, when he wanted it, and at that moment he wanted me to suffer.

To an outsider there's only one word for what happened next and that same outsider would have him condemned for his actions. But I won't…I can't. Maybe it was wrong – on so many levels – but I'd brought it on myself. You don't wake a sleeping dragon and expect to walk away unscathed. Besides, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been a willing participant by the end. Victims don't scream their attacker's name in pleasure.

The whole experience had been terrifying though, and not because of what he did to me – a shiver shoots through me as I recall all the things he did to me; my sore body and my destroyed clothing that I know is scattered around the cabin telling a tale of violence. No, the only thing that I had been truly scared of was the thought that I would never see Killian again – that he would never be able to pull himself out of Hook. Now though, now I'm just scared that he won't be able to forgive himself – because I know he's going to blame himself for what happened instead of me.

"Emma," he says again, pulling me from my memories and I can hear the desperation in his voice.

With a sigh I reluctantly pull myself from his embrace and turn to face him, pushing him onto his back so I can straddle him. I already know he's going to need more than words so I sink back down onto him slowly, rocking my hips gently, trying to calm him as much as possible. He opens his mouth to say something but I lean down over him, my breasts brushing his chest, hair spilling around us as I capture his mouth in a kiss that I don't hesitate to deepen.

"We're ok," I whisper, holding his eyes with mine when we come up for air, "and I'm so sorry for what I said to you last night Killian I didn't mean it."

"Emma, no," he shakes his head violently and the breath catches in my throat, "how can you even think about apologizing for last night? You did nothing wrong. I'm the one who needs to apologize."

He sits up quickly, his arms wrapping around me protectively, tears in his eyes, "I'm sorry Emma. Last night…you never should have had to see that…to…I am so sorry. If you want nothing more to do with me I…I'll understand."

His voice breaks as he gets that last bit out and he tries to gently push me away. Pain fills my chest as my heart starts to break and I cling to him stubbornly.

"Killian, _no_," I rush to stop him before he can pull away, "I'm still here. I'm still here and I know, I get it, I understand."

He looks at me, amazement contorting his features and I'm sure he thinks that I've lost my mind. Maybe he's right too, but I can't worry about that now. Insane or not, I know what I want.

"You are _not_ Hook, I never should have said that and I don't have the words to tell you how sorry I am that I did because I know it's not true." I continue, trying to keep my own tears in check, "You are Killian Jones, the man I love – a good man – and I do know the difference. So don't hide from me, please, I don't want that. I know the difference but Hook _is_ a part of you – we both know that – and he'll always be a part of you."

"But he…I…," he swallows heavily, his tears slipping free, "what happened last night is inexcusible. You deserve so much better than to live in the shadow of that monster."

A smile forms on my lips at his concern and I lean in to kiss him again, "I'm a big girl Killian, I can make my own choices and I take responsibility for those choices. I love you and I'm not going anywhere – as much as you're here for me you need to know that I'm here for you too.

"I get that there's a person inside of you that you don't want to be, that you struggle to keep in check everyday," I press another kiss to his lips, "but you don't have to do that alone. You don't have to live in fear of him getting loose again because if he does, I'll be here. I can handle Hook."

"Emma," he sobs into my chest, his tears flowing freely now, and I cradle his head in my hands, forcing him to look at me so I can kiss him again.

"I can handle Hook, Killian," I whisper against his lips, "what I can't handle is you pushing me away because of him. So please, don't."

His hands come up, tangling in my hair as he kisses me fiercly. In one swift motion he rolls us over and I tighten my legs around him, pulling him closer, deeper, urging him on.

It's crazy, insane even. No woman in her right mind should put up with what happened last night but love is hardly sane and I love my pirate.

Both of them.

All of him.


End file.
